I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
