She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still dying that you shit outside
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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