my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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