people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
