so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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