Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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