I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
