She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
