Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
