I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
