i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
