We're like a lot better than the average bears
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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