A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
