Old men and throwing up are my life now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
