we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
