We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
