I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
