And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
