tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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