this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
