I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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