Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
