I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sponge bath it is.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
