Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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