I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
