You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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