Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
