So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
