these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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