Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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