apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
