I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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