the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
