So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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