Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize