he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize