i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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