don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
