Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is the high leading the old right now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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