remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
