never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
