Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
