In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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