sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
