I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize