Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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