you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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