If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
