I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
