I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
