Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
