Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
