I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
