I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
