dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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