Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
