How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
