Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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