i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
