just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
