I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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