I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
