I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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