Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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