I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
