what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
