the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
