i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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