I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
