He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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