you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
