you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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