Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
