I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You were trust falling into bushes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
