I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
