Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
