I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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