My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
